Chances are that you never noticed because you’re busy toppling world landmarks and using their exposed girders as trampolines to bounce up and swat at pesky futuristic fighter jets, but the cast of Rampage World Tour definitely has more going on beneath their furry, scaly visages than you might realize.
Smashing buildings and destroying the National Guard with two friends is timeless fun, but did you know that the iconic brown gorilla, blue werewolf, and green lizard that we’ve loved for years actually havenames? That’s right: they’re George, Ralph, and Lizzie, and they’re not just enormous mutated animorphs. In a world congested with skyscrapers, tourist traps, and road traffic, the dudes and dudette of Rampage are like freaking pariahs of environmentalism and alternative lifestyle.
I know at this point you’re probably like, “What the frak is he talking about?” But think about it: the only semblance of plot we get in Rampage is that there’s some cigar-smoking, curmudgeonly CEO holed up in his lavish office in a Scumlabs headquarters building located in an undisclosed city, and we need to smash the hell out of it to ensure the demise of both him and his evil corporation. Thing is, we don’t know which global branch he’s actually at, so it only makes sense that we visit all the major cities in the world and raze every renowned structure before jet-setting (as in literally riding on jets) to the next locale. We’ll get him eventually, right?
How did George, Ralph, and Lizzie gain the powers to do so? If you pay attention to your character when you die, you shrink and revert back to your human form and scurry offsreen (if your friends don’t eat you first). These guys were just normal people before Scumlabs’ undoubtedly unethical experimentation caused them to grow to monstrous heights. So you’re out to bring the largest, most evil company in the Rampage universe down, and you’re doing so powered off of a steady diet of toxic refuse, pizza, burgers and fries, giant cookies, and the staple of any self-respecting mutant’s diet: hot babes in tiny red dresses. Forget conventional video game healing—Rampage is all about chugging milkshakes as fast as you can to get back out there and punch windows so hard that you destroy entire floors of buildings.
And while “chugging” is still fresh in your mind, there are certain things in Rampage that you can’t consume because they’ll immediately make you barf, claiming a small portion of health and rendering you immobile for a few seconds. Along with the obvious things like dishwasher detergent and motor oil, the majority of the list is comprised of alcoholic beverages. In short, Rampage is discouraging drinking, and you know what that means?
That’s right: straight edge revenge.
I think that’s actually the best way to summarize Rampage World Tour as a whole. Scumlabs has trashed the Earth to build a global conglomerate on, uh, giant glowing barrels of nuclear sludge, and it’s up to you to dethrone the monopoly. Thankfully, it really helps that George, Ralph, and Lizzie are in it to win it and capable of leveling entire buildings with a few well-placed kicks to the roof or foundation. Up the punx!